Since the big reveal of the new toy marines I thought about previous figures which didn't meet the usually high standards set by the design team. I'm sure there are others more worthy which I've forgotten about but here is my own quick list. Make your own list if you like.
And so it begins....
#6 High Elf Flying Chariot
As a sculpt, or rather two, this piece has great detail. As a concept a flying boat with optional bolt thrower is laughable. How does it fire with an eagle in the way? One poor shot and they go splat on the ground. Also how does it land? This is a poor way to spice up a boring army.
#5 Dark Angel Flying Barge
Since the first landspeeder model, GW have chosen to beef up its size and armour with each release. This relentless march has led us to this behemoth. Is it a gun platform? Is it a mobile church for marines to affirm their faith? Why does it pointlessly break symmetry? It's got more engines than a Storm Talon! Swop the turbojet engines for wheels and this might look less of a mess.
#4 Chaos Dwarfs
These guys used to be everywhere - throughout the dark lands, on the oceans with mighty warmachine vessels, even in 40K as Chaos Squats. They also moved on to the Bloodbowl pitch. Of course, they didn't forget to bring their rediculous hats. I get it GW. You wanted a faction with an Assyrian theme. Hats on everything! Characters, foot troops, lets stick them on bull centaurs too! How big? Bigger than blunderbusses! The gamers will love it....
#3 Dark Elf Harpies
Did the artists not know what a harpy should look like? Unlikely, as they had a photo of a Marauder Harpy figure in the 4th ed Bestiary. So we must conclude they decided to shy away from topless ladies. With an opportunity to sculpt something original we end up with - gargoyles. These must be the least attractive harpies ever sculpted. Thankfully GW have since re-embraced a darker theme for Warhammer.
#2 Poor mans Thunderhawk
Is it a bird? Is it a plane? I think it's a tank with a tail fin. Anyone who doubts its similarity to a marine tank need only see
this. A raven is an agile bird, with a tail. This aerial freak looks the exact opposite. I understand the Marine style is chunky and boxed. You can work with that. Chapterhouse produced a nice fix conversion kit to make this look less stupid. Why couldn't it be like that from the shop?
#1 Centurions
Anyone who has ever played Space Hulk will know how slow Terminators move. Indeed, it's a common complaint about the latest Space Hulk video game. These guys make tactical dreadnaught armour look like swimmers trunks. With their mega drills and super bolters, is it time to retire Terminators from their endless quest to purge Hulks of genestealers? Under slung weaponry looks cool and all, but wouldn't it be better to be shoulder mounted? Have you noticed how close together their feet (power shoes!?) are? I don't know, maybe this kit will sell great. Still looks fugly though.
And thats my list! What's missing?
Comments
#7 :Sslyth
http://www.games-workshop.com/MEDIA_CustomProductCatalog/m1950171a_99800112013_DESslyth02_873x627.jpg
A lizard snake wearing the Armour of a Dark Eldar... Supposedly good pals with his Dark Eldar buddies, a favoured race? Why any Eldar would favor one race over another given there arrogant nature is something Games Workshop has never properly explained, and the Eldar's attitude to other races switches between sympathetic and cooperative to hateful and Xenophobic depending on what you read. Another bizzar concept not at all fitting with the rest of the Commorraghians background.
#6 Jokaero Weaponsmith: http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20111024035422/warhammer40k/images/9/95/Jokaero_Weaponsmith.jpg
Similar to the High elf sky chariot, not a terrible miniature, but truly stupid concept. For those not familiar, Jokaero is an Orangutan who magically buffs his unit and is aloud to fire a space marine heavy weapon of his choice each turn for no apparent reason. I believe the codex reads something along the lines of "he manifests his power in the form of either a lass cannon, plasma cannon..." etc. Perhaps a nice Nod towards the "Librarian" from Terry Pratchets "Disc World" books? If so, why not make him particularly smart, or cunning? There's quirky and unique, then there's out right stupidity, Jokaero falls into the latter category.
Chaos Warriors Forsaken:
http://www.games-workshop.com/MEDIA_CustomProductCatalog/m2980613a_99120201020_Forsaken03_445x319.jpg
Props to John for pointing these monstrosities out. There's ugly looking mutants, freaky looking mutants, kinda gross looking mutants, out of proportion looking mutants then there's Chaos Warriors Forsaken. I'm not really sure what to say about these guys to be honest. They are probably the punch line of a "your moma's so ugly joke"
#9 Necron Tesseract Vault/Obelisk
http://www.games-workshop.com/MEDIA_CustomProductCatalog/m3320245a_99120110026_TesseractVault07_873x627.jpg
Stop making bigger versions of things:
#10 Space Marines Master of the Marches/New Space Marie Librarian
http://www.games-workshop.com/MEDIA_CustomProductCatalog/m3320110a_99800101110_SMCptMasterOfTheMarches01_873x627.jpg
http://www.games-workshop.com/MEDIA_CustomProductCatalog/m3430824a_99070101002_PlasticSMLibrarian02_873x627.jpg
I don't like where this flying naked baby thing is going
Any more?
http://www.solegends.com/citrt/rt7dreadnought armour.htm
http://www.forgeworld.co.uk/Warhammer-40000/Space_Marines/Space-Marine-Tanks/SPARTAN_ASSAULT_TANK.html
Hmm, Guard has the Hydra with 4 autocannons, how can we give Marines something better? I know, give them a tank with 6 autocannons!
http://www.games-workshop.com/gws/catalog/productDetail.jsp?catId=cat440176a&prodId=prod2160144a&rootCatGameStyle=
http://www.games-workshop.com/gws/catalog/productDetail.jsp?catId=cat720001a&prodId=prod1460002a&rootCatGameStyle=
And just how are these towed by only two horses? Any horse that can pull those need a red cape and their pants on the outside.
http://www.games-workshop.com/gws/catalog/productDetail.jsp?catId=cat440023a&prodId=prod1530028a&rootCatGameStyle=
http://www.games-workshop.com/gws/catalog/productDetail.jsp?catId=cat440023a&prodId=prod1530036a
http://www.games-workshop.com/MEDIA_CustomProductCatalog/m2610478a_99810102011_CSMMutilatorsCFC04_873x627.jpg
If you want something in it's place I vote for the likes of
http://www.games-workshop.com/gws/catalog/productDetail.jsp?catId=cat440054a&prodId=prod1160135a
The King's throne looks like its put on a few stone...